{"id":127260,"date":"2020-12-06T03:07:00","date_gmt":"2020-12-06T00:07:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/en.buradabiliyorum.com\/retirement-can-be-traumatic-even-when-its-happy\/"},"modified":"2020-12-06T03:07:00","modified_gmt":"2020-12-06T00:07:00","slug":"retirement-can-be-traumatic-even-when-its-happy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/retirement-can-be-traumatic-even-when-its-happy\/","title":{"rendered":"#\n  Retirement can be traumatic \u2014 even when it\u2019s happy"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_84 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-custom ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<label for=\"ez-toc-cssicon-toggle-item-6a262a56e04de\" class=\"ez-toc-cssicon-toggle-label\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #dd3333;color:#dd3333\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #dd3333;color:#dd3333\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/label><input type=\"checkbox\"  id=\"ez-toc-cssicon-toggle-item-6a262a56e04de\" checked aria-label=\"Toggle\" \/><nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/retirement-can-be-traumatic-even-when-its-happy\/#4_ways_to_master_the_retirement_transition\" >4 ways to master the retirement transition<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-4' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-4'><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-4' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-4'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/retirement-can-be-traumatic-even-when-its-happy\/#Bruce_Feiler\" >Bruce Feiler<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<p>&#8220;<strong>#<br \/>\n  Retirement can be traumatic \u2014 even when it\u2019s h<a href=\"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/category\/download-scripts-themes-apps\/\" data-internallinksmanager029f6b8e52c=\"9\" title=\"Download Scripts &amp; Themes &amp; Apps\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">app<\/a>y<br \/>\n<\/strong>&#8221;<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"article__subhead\" itemprop=\"alternativeHeadline\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_ways_to_master_the_retirement_transition\"><\/span>\n  4 ways to master the retirement transition<br \/>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><\/p>\n<div class=\"column column--full article__content\">\n<div id=\"js-article__body\" class=\"article__body article-wrap at16-col16 barrons-article-wrap\" itemprop=\"articleBody\" data-sbid=\"WP-MKTW-0000089792\">\n<div class=\"barrons-article-ad-wrapper\">\n<div data-track=\"barrons-article-ad-wrap\" class=\"barrons-article-ad sticky_item\">\n<div class=\"barrons-main-article-ad-target sticky_target body_ad\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<div data-layout=\"inline\n              \" data-layout-mobile=\"\" class=\"\n        media-object\n        type-InsetMediaIllustration\n          inline\n  article__inset\n        article__inset--type-InsetMediaIllustration\n          article__inset--inline\n  \"><\/p>\n<figure class=\"\n        media-object-image\n        enlarge-image\n        renoImageFormat-\n        img-inline\n        article__inset__image\n      \" itemscope itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/ImageObject\"><\/p>\n<div style=\"padding-bottom:66.640625%;\" data-mobile-ratio=\"66.640625%\" data-layout-ratio=\"66.640625%\" data-subtype=\"\" class=\"image-container  responsive-media article__inset__image__image\">\n        <img decoding=\"async\" srcset=\"https:\/\/images.mktw.net\/im-268572?width=140&amp;size=1.5005861664712778 140w,\nhttps:\/\/images.mktw.net\/im-268572?width=540&amp;size=1.5005861664712778 540w,\nhttps:\/\/images.mktw.net\/im-268572?width=620&amp;size=1.5005861664712778 620w,\nhttps:\/\/images.mktw.net\/im-268572?width=700&amp;size=1.5005861664712778 700w,\nhttps:\/\/images.mktw.net\/im-268572?width=860&amp;size=1.5005861664712778 860w,\nhttps:\/\/images.mktw.net\/im-268572?width=1260&amp;size=1.5005861664712778 1260w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 140px) 100px,\n(max-width: 540px) 500px,\n(max-width: 620px) 580px,\n(max-width: 700px) 660px,\n(max-width: 860px) 820px,\n1260px\" src=\"https:\/\/images.mktw.net\/im-268572?width=620&amp;size=1.5005861664712778\" data-enlarge=\"https:\/\/images.mktw.net\/im-268572?width=1260&amp;size=1.5005861664712778\" alt=\"\" title=\"\"><\/div><figcaption class=\"wsj-article-caption article__inset__image__caption\" itemprop=\"caption\"><span class=\"wsj-article-credit article__inset__image__caption__credit\" itemprop=\"creator\"><br \/>\n            Getty Images\/iStockphoto<br \/>\n          <\/span><br \/>\n  <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p>       Among the transitions people face in their lives,<br \/>\nretirement often feels like the most definitive. The fact that this life change<br \/>\nis often expected and joyful does little to reduce the emotional upheaval and<br \/>\nlifestyle adjustment required. <\/p>\n<div class=\"paywall\">\n       Almost overnight,<br \/>\nretirees find themselves with reduced <a href=\"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/category\/social-mediaa\/\" data-internallinksmanager029f6b8e52c=\"1\" title=\"Social Media\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">social<\/a> circles, loss of identity from<br \/>\nwork, fresh challenges in managing time, and often a relocation brought on by<br \/>\nnew and evolving needs. The pandemic has brought even more dimensions to this<br \/>\nchallenge, as today\u2019s retirees have added stresses from being limited in their<br \/>\ndaily activities and being restricted from visiting loved ones. <\/p>\n<p> But while the practical parts of this transition\u2014those involving insurance, finances, and health\u2014have been deeply studied by academics and often discussed in the media, the emotional and psychological aspects of this transition have been woefully ignored by researchers and reduced to little more than a punchline in popular culture. <\/p>\n<p>Fortunately,<br \/>\nthere is know-how about how to manage this deeply critical aspect of entering<br \/>\nthis all-important phase of life. <\/p>\n<p>I spent the last five years performing one of the biggest studies of life transitions in decades. Spurred by a string of personal crises, or \u201clifequakes,\u201d as I call them, I crisscrossed the country, collecting hundreds of life stories of Americans in all 50 states who had been through wrenching life changes. These changes include losing loved ones, losing jobs, changing careers, changing religions, getting sober, getting out marriages, and, yes, reinventing yourself in retirement. With a team of 12, I then spent a year combing through these stories looking for patterns and takeaways that can help all of us survive and thrive in times of change.<\/p>\n<p>What I learned is that the pace of change in contemporary life is quickening.<br \/>\nWe face three to five lifequakes in the course of our lives, and, contrary to<br \/>\npopular opinion, they aren\u2019t limited to birthdays that end in zero or clumped<br \/>\nin midlife. Instead, they\u2019re spread out in our own idiosyncratic fingerprint<br \/>\nfrom birth to retirement.<\/p>\n<p>Also, they take longer than we think: three to five years on average. That<br \/>\nmeans we spend half our adult lives we spend in transition. You, or someone you<br \/>\nknow, is going through one now.<\/p>\n<p>Here, based on my<br \/>\nresearch, are four tips to make your transition to retirement a process that\u2019s<br \/>\nnot just life-disrupting, but life-affirming, too.<\/p>\n<ul class=\"articleList\">\n<li>\n      <strong>Start with your superpower.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>People tend to<br \/>\nhave one of two reactions to entering a life transition: Either they make a<br \/>\n212-item to do list and try to get through it in a weekend, or they tend to<br \/>\nfeel stuck in place and collapse in a fetal position under the covers. But look<br \/>\nat enough of these times and certain patterns begin to appear.<\/p>\n<div id=\"cx-membership-tile\"><\/div>\n<p>For starters,<br \/>\ntransitions have three phases. I call them \u201cthe long goodbye,\u201d in which you<br \/>\nmourn the old you; \u201cthe messy middle,\u201d in which you shed habits and create new<br \/>\nones; and \u201cthe new beginning,\u201d in which you unveil your fresh self. These<br \/>\nphases need not happen in order. Each person tends to gravitate to the phase<br \/>\nthey\u2019re best at (their transition superpower) and get bogged down in the one<br \/>\nthey\u2019re weakest at (their transition kryptonite).<\/p>\n<p>My advice: Start<br \/>\nwith a census of your skills. Are you excited to turn the page on your old life<br \/>\nor struggling to adapt to the loss of status and structure? Are you looking<br \/>\nforward to selling the old homestead and experimenting with new commitments or dreading<br \/>\nmaking all these changes? Are you daydreaming about your new identity and<br \/>\nlifestyle or fearing it? Once you identify your strengths, start there.<br \/>\nBeginning with what you do best will allow you to gain confidence for the<br \/>\nharder parts to come. <\/p>\n<ul class=\"articleList\">\n<li>\n      <strong>Use rituals to<br \/>\nsay goodbye.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Retirement, like<br \/>\nall transitions, is an emotional process. I asked everyone I interviewed the<br \/>\ngreatest emotion they struggled with during their transition. At 27 percent,<br \/>\nfear was the most popular reaction, followed by sadness and shame. <\/p>\n<p>Some people cope with these emotions by writing down their feelings; others plunge into new tasks. But nearly eight in 10 said they turned to rituals. They sang, danced, hugged, purged, tattooed, sky-dived, schvitzed. They changed their names, went to sweat lodges, got tattoos.<\/p>\n<p>Following a brutal year in which she lost her job in Hollywood, had a blowup with her mother, and went on 52 first dates, Lisa Rae Rosenberg jumped out of an airplane. \u201cI had a terrible fear of heights, and I thought, If I can figure this out, I can figure anything out.\u201d A year later she was married with a child. Michael Mitchell, who wore sweats every day during his long career as a doctor, started wearing them to sleep once he retired as a sign that his days were now focused on his family, not his work. <\/p>\n<p>Ritualistic gestures like these are<br \/>\nespecially effective during the long goodbye as they\u2019re statements\u2014to ourselves<br \/>\nand to others\u2014that we\u2019ve gone through a change and are ready for what comes<br \/>\nnext.<\/p>\n<ul class=\"articleList\">\n<li>\n      <strong>Create it <\/strong><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>One reason that<br \/>\nsaying goodbye to your old life and shedding habits you associate with that<br \/>\ntime are so important is that they make room for one of the more exciting parts<br \/>\nof any transition: experimenting with new ways of living. In a pattern I didn\u2019t<br \/>\nsee coming, a remarkable number of people at the bottom of their life shift<br \/>\nturn to creativity. They start to dance, cook, paint; they write poems,<br \/>\nthank-you notes, diary entries. <\/p>\n<p>Helen Kim, who retired from teaching college biology in Alabama in the wake of her stomach cancer, fulfilled a girlhood dream by taking classes in adult ballet. Hal Eastman, whose 30-year career included stints at Boeing<br \/>\n        BA,<br \/>\n        <bg-quote field=\"percentchange\" format=\"0,000.00%\" channel=\"\/zigman2\/quotes\/208579720\/composite\" class=\"negative\">-1.89%<\/bg-quote><br \/>\n       and Ford<br \/>\n        F,<br \/>\n        <bg-quote field=\"percentchange\" format=\"0,000.00%\" channel=\"\/zigman2\/quotes\/208911460\/composite\" class=\"positive\">+1.41%<\/bg-quote><span>,<\/span><br \/>\n       helming two public companies, and starting two companies of his own, abruptly stopped worked at age 55. Seeking a change, he spotted a dancer one day near his home in Idaho and asked if he could photograph her in nature. He went on to publish five books of fine art photography.<\/p>\n<p>What people seem<br \/>\nto crave from these acts is what creation has represented since the dawn of<br \/>\ntime: a fresh start.<\/p>\n<ul class=\"articleList\">\n<li>\n      <strong>Tell it<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The final phase<br \/>\nof a life transition is the \u201cnew beginning,\u201d and it involves the essence of<br \/>\ngetting through a time of change: Updating your personal story. <\/p>\n<p>A life transition is fundamentally a narrative event, in which we revisit and revise our life story to accommodate a critical change. In this case, beginning a new time of life in which work is not at the heart. A central blessing of being alive today is that such reinventions are possible. The point of view that prevailed for centuries\u2014that life peaks in middle age and unavoidably goes downhill from there\u2014no longer holds true. <\/p>\n<p>\u00a0Today, we not only accept such transitions, we embrace them. William James said it best a century ago, \u201cLife is in the transitions.\u201d Instead of viewing these periods as ones we have to grit and grind our way through, we should see them for what they are: healing periods that take the frightened parts of our lives and begin to repair them. <\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t shield your eyes when the scary parts start; that\u2019s when the<br \/>\nheroes are made. <\/p>\n<p><em>Bruce Feiler is the author of seven <\/em>New York Times<em> bestsellers, including his most recent book,<\/em><a rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Life-Transitions-Mastering-Change-Any\/dp\/1594206821\/ref=sr_1_1?crid=7SPQWGSOI7PH&amp;dchild=1&amp;keywords=life+is+in+the+transitions+bruce+feiler&amp;qid=1600614065&amp;sprefix=LIFE+IS+IN+THE%2Caps%2C169&amp;sr=8-1\" class=\"icon none\"><em> <\/em>Life Is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age<\/a><em>, <\/em>from which this piece is adapted. <em>For more information, please visit brucefeiler.com.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<p><\/p>\n<div class=\"byline article__byline\">\n<p>      <span>By<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"author  hasMenu\" data-scrim='{\"type\":\"author\",\"header\":\"Bruce Feiler\",\"subhead\":\"The Wall Street Journal\",\"list\":[]}' itemscope itemprop=\"author\" itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/Person\">\n<h4 itemprop=\"name\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Bruce_Feiler\"><\/span>Bruce Feiler<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h4>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<blockquote><p><strong><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\">If you liked the article, do not forget to share it with your friends. Follow us on\u00a0<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/news.google.com\/publications\/CAAqBwgKMLG0nwswvr63Aw\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\">Google News<\/a><\/span>\u00a0too, click on the star and choose us from your favorites.<\/span><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<blockquote>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">For forums sites go to <span style=\"color: #ff9900;\"><a style=\"color: #ff9900;\" href=\"https:\/\/forum.buradabiliyorum.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Forum.BuradaBiliyorum.Com<\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>If you want to read more <a href=\"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/category\/news\/\" data-internallinksmanager029f6b8e52c=\"2\" title=\"News\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">News<\/a> articles, you can visit our <span style=\"color: #ff9900;\"><a style=\"color: #ff9900;\" href=\"https:\/\/en.buradabiliyorum.com\/news\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">News category.<\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"color: black;\"><a style=\"color: #ff9900;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.marketwatch.com\/news\/story.asp?guid=%7B21005575-02D4-D4B5-4572-D15EC00DC455%7D&#038;siteid=rss&#038;rss=1\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Source<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;# Retirement can be traumatic \u2014 even when it\u2019s happy &#8221; 4 ways to master the retirement transition Getty Images\/iStockphoto Among the transitions people face in their lives, retirement often feels like the most definitive. The fact that this life change is often expected and joyful does little to reduce the emotional upheaval and lifestyle&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":127261,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"fifu_image_url":"","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[70897],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-127260","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/127260","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=127260"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/127260\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/127261"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=127260"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=127260"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=127260"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}