{"id":271108,"date":"2021-06-10T16:10:39","date_gmt":"2021-06-10T13:10:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/en.buradabiliyorum.com\/stop-complimenting-your-colleagues\/"},"modified":"2021-06-10T16:10:39","modified_gmt":"2021-06-10T13:10:39","slug":"stop-complimenting-your-colleagues","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/stop-complimenting-your-colleagues\/","title":{"rendered":"#Stop complimenting your colleagues"},"content":{"rendered":"

“#Stop complimenting your colleagues<\/strong>”
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Boris is the wise ol\u2019 CEO of TNW who writes a weekly column on everything about being an entrepreneur in tech \u2014 from managing stress to embracing awkwardness. You can get his musings straight to your inbox by signing up for his newsletter!<\/a><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

It was just after lunch, and I had asked for a doggy bag for the extra dish I had ordered but not touched. We were walking back to the office when I noticed a homeless man asking for some money to buy food. I figured I probably wouldn\u2019t eat it anyway, so I told my friend to wait for me so I could walk over to offer him my food.<\/p>\n

My friend grabbed my arm and stopped me. \u201cYou can\u2019t do that,\u201d he told me. \u201cPeople don\u2019t like that.\u201d Instead of giving him the food directly, he suggested I would place it on top of the wastebasket near him so he could grab it himself.<\/p>\n

When I asked why the detour, my friend explained a homeless person is trying to hold on to their self-worth and pride. People want to hold on to a sense of independence, especially in a position where they\u2019re highly dependent on others.<\/p>\n

[Read: Why you should never be 100% honest at work]<\/em><\/p>\n

Even though you\u2019re giving them money or food, they still don\u2019t like to feel inferior, and they hate it when you act superior. However, if I left my food on top of the wastebasket, it would be his choice to whether to pick it up or not \u2014 which empowers him and also helps him keep his independence.<\/p>\n

Weirdly, it made sense, so I did as instructed. There are always power dynamics at play in all human interactions, and sometimes you think you\u2019re doing someone a favor, but unconsciously you\u2019re just elevating your own position. Actually, it\u2019s not just true for humans.<\/p>\n

My daughter showed me a video of two cats cleaning each other. It started cute, with one cat licking the ears of the other cat. To me, it seemed like a loving and gentle gesture. But then the licking became more forceful, and the embrace turned into a stranglehold and then a fight.<\/p>\n

My daughter explained that cats use cleaning to assert dominance. By stating, \u201cI clean you,\u201d the cat places itself in a dominant position, and sometimes the other cat disagrees with the proposed new power structure and fights to clean the other.<\/p>\n

I recognize this behavior in organizations as well. A compliment can be justified and honest feedback and praise. But saying \u201cgreat presentation!\u201d can also come across as super condescending. The comment can imply that you don\u2019t hold the person in high regard and are surprised with their work. That\u2019s not a compliment, that\u2019s an insult.<\/p>\n

When you give feedback, it\u2019s vital to realize whether you\u2019re sincerely giving a compliment or whether it comes from a position of (perceived or wanted) dominance, and that\u2019s valid whether you\u2019re dealing with people\u2026 or licking a cat\u2019s ear.<\/p>\n

Can\u2019t get enough of Boris? Check out his older stories here, and sign up for his news<\/a>letter here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

If you liked the article, do not forget to share it with your friends. Follow us on\u00a0Google News<\/a><\/span>\u00a0too, click on the star and choose us from your favorites.<\/span><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

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For forums sites go to Forum.BuradaBiliyorum.Com<\/a><\/span><\/strong>\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

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If you want to read more like this article, you can visit our Technology category.<\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Source<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“#Stop complimenting your colleagues” Boris is the wise ol\u2019 CEO of TNW who writes a weekly column on everything about being an entrepreneur in tech \u2014 from managing stress to embracing awkwardness. You can get his musings straight to your inbox by signing up for his newsletter! It was just after lunch, and I had…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":271109,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/img-cdn.tnwcdn.com\/image\/growth-quarters?filter_last=1&fit=1280,640&url=https:\/\/cdn0.tnwcdn.com\/wp-content\/blogs.dir\/1\/files\/2021\/06\/boris-cats.jpg&signature=1b393b92e2c4e82e800409417c305871","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-271108","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-technology"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/271108","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=271108"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/271108\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/271109"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=271108"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=271108"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=271108"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}