{"id":352214,"date":"2021-10-13T02:03:11","date_gmt":"2021-10-12T23:03:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/en.buradabiliyorum.com\/i-became-a-trans-widow-after-my-husband-became-a-woman\/"},"modified":"2021-10-13T02:03:11","modified_gmt":"2021-10-12T23:03:11","slug":"i-became-a-trans-widow-after-my-husband-became-a-woman","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/i-became-a-trans-widow-after-my-husband-became-a-woman\/","title":{"rendered":"#I became a &#8216;trans widow&#8217; after my husband became a woman"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;<strong>#I became a &#8216;trans widow&#8217; after my husband became a woman<\/strong>&#8221;<\/p>\n<div>\n<aside class=\"single__inline-module alignleft\">\n        <\/aside>\n<p>Sitting in the Manhattan office of her then-husband\u2019s gender counselor, Karen Ranney was taken aback by the suggestion that the couple\u2019s love life would dramatically improve once he transitioned into a woman.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShe mentioned various methods and equipment we could use,\u201d the 64-year-old mother of two told The Post. \u201cShe said, \u2018You might find it very sexy.\u2019 \u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ranney, a former professional dancer who had reluctantly attended the consultation, replied: \u201cI\u2019ve known homosexuals, bisexuals and lesbians in the dance world, and I\u2019m not closed-minded.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut I\u2019m plain Jane, the girl next door, and I know it\u2019s not for me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The encounter with the therapist \u2014 whom she found unresponsive to her sense of betrayal and abandonment \u2014 is one of the memories chronicled in the New Yorker\u2019s upcoming memoir, \u201c<a rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.womenarehuman.com\/no-disguise-of-distance-excerpt-from-the-curated-woods\/\">The Curated Woods: A Grass Widow Her Seasons of Memories<\/a>\u201d<strong> <\/strong>(to be published under the pen name Ute Heggen through iUniverse next month).<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1024\" height=\"682\" src=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2021\/10\/karen-ranny-2.jpg?quality=90&amp;strip=all&amp;w=1024\" alt=\"Self-described &quot;Grass Widow&quot; Karen Ranney, who finds solace in nature, now leads a happy life with her partner in New York's Hudson Valley. \" class=\"wp-image-19722033\" srcset=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2021\/10\/karen-ranny-2.jpg?quality=90&amp;strip=all&amp;w=1535 1536w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2021\/10\/karen-ranny-2.jpg?quality=90&amp;strip=all 1024w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2021\/10\/karen-ranny-2.jpg?quality=90&amp;strip=all&amp;w=512 512w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\"\/><figcaption>Self-described \u201cGrass Widow\u201d Karen Ranney, who finds solace in nature, now leads a h<a href=\"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/category\/download-scripts-themes-apps\/\" data-internallinksmanager029f6b8e52c=\"9\" title=\"Download Scripts &amp; Themes &amp; Apps\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">app<\/a>y life with her partner in New York\u2019s Hudson Valley.<\/figcaption><figcaption><span class=\"credit\">Stefano Giovannini<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Ranney\u2019s book is partly named after the old-fashioned term for a wife who becomes so alienated from her spouse, he might as well have died. The author uses \u201cgrass widow\u201d as a synonym for \u201ctrans widow,\u201d the controversial term for a woman who hasn\u2019t come to terms with a partner\u2019s sex change. <\/p>\n<p>\u201cMy husband says his male persona is dead,\u201d she explained. \u201cI call myself a grass widow because it\u2019s as if I don\u2019t have a grave to mourn at \u2014 only a patch of grass.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ranney says she wants to tell her side since she believes the emotional impact on the wife and family of a transitioning husband and father is seldom discussed. \u201cIt feels like your past has been erased,\u201d she said. <\/p>\n<p>In 2015, TV personality Kris Jenner <a rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/pagesix.com\/2015\/05\/04\/kris-jenner-finally-breaks-silence-on-bruces-transition\/?_ga=1.267250122.5964626.1420974658\">tearfully discussed <\/a>the effect of watching her ex, Bruce Jenner, step out as Caitlyn Jenner the previous year on the reality show \u201cKeeping Up With the Kardashians.\u201d <\/p>\n<p>\u201cI have these memories of this life \u2014 and I feel sometimes like it didn\u2019t exist,\u201d the now 65-year-old matriarch says.<\/p>\n<p>Jenner\u2019s words resonated with Ranney, who hopes her own honesty will help wives who feel similarly abandoned realize they are not alone. <\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1024\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2021\/10\/kris-caitlyn-jenner.jpg?quality=90&amp;strip=all&amp;w=1024\" alt=\"Caitlyn Jenner poses with Kris Jenner.\" class=\"wp-image-19721977\" srcset=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2021\/10\/kris-caitlyn-jenner.jpg?quality=90&amp;strip=all&amp;w=1536 1536w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2021\/10\/kris-caitlyn-jenner.jpg?quality=90&amp;strip=all 1024w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2021\/10\/kris-caitlyn-jenner.jpg?quality=90&amp;strip=all&amp;w=512 512w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\"\/><figcaption>Former married couple Caitlyn Jenner and Kris Jenner project the image of all-smiling friends after the former Bruce Jenner transitioned. Still, Kris has tearfully revealed some of her complex feelings about the experience.<\/figcaption><figcaption><span class=\"credit\">Dimitrios Kambouris<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>\u201cI feel an obligation to younger women stuck in my position,\u201d she said, pointing out that, however unfashionable or contentious, their emotions should not be discounted. (In July, Ranney claims that she was banned from <a href=\"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/category\/social-mediaa\/\" data-internallinksmanager029f6b8e52c=\"1\" title=\"Social Media\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">YouTube<\/a> \u201cfor severe and repeated hate speech.\u201d She counters that she is \u201ca woman with a story that is rarely told.\u201d)<\/p>\n<p>Ranney\u2019s 17-year relationship was derailed in August 1992 when her sons were ages 1 and 4. Her husband, Neddy (a pseudonym; Ranney still uses male pronouns when referencing her former husband), returned from a business <a href=\"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/category\/trip-and-travel\/\" data-internallinksmanager029f6b8e52c=\"10\" title=\"Trip &amp; Travel\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">trip<\/a> and undressed. She noticed Neddy\u2019s body hair had been shaved off.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNeddy refused to address my questions, but said: \u2018It\u2019s my body and my choice,\u2019 \u201d Ranney recalled. \u201cAs a heterosexual woman, I\u2019d always found his chest hair sexy and appealing. I was distraught.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The following day, she found a collection of diaries hidden in Neddy\u2019s suitcase. \u201cIt opened Pandora\u2019s Box,\u201d she said. To her astonishment, Neddy had written details about dressing in women\u2019s clothing.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI was in shock and had a brief thought that I would jump out of the window,\u201d said Ranney. She demanded answers that night.<\/p>\n<p>Ranney ultimately fled with their kids to her parents\u2019 house in Wisconsin, finally returning to their apartment in Kensington, Brooklyn, three months later.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1024\" height=\"682\" src=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2021\/10\/karen.jpg?quality=90&amp;strip=all&amp;w=1024\" alt=\"Karen Ranney mourns her former husband, who transitioned into a woman.\" class=\"wp-image-19783440\" srcset=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2021\/10\/karen.jpg?quality=90&amp;strip=all&amp;w=1535 1536w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2021\/10\/karen.jpg?quality=90&amp;strip=all 1024w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2021\/10\/karen.jpg?quality=90&amp;strip=all&amp;w=512 512w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\"\/><figcaption>Karen Ranney calls herself a \u201cgrass widow\u201d because, since her ex insists his former male persona is \u201cdead,\u201d she feels bereaved. But, she says, unlike other people whose loved ones are no longer with them, she doesn\u2019t have a grave to mourn the loss, rather \u201cjust a patch of grass.\u201d<\/figcaption><figcaption><span class=\"credit\">Stefano Giovannini<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>\u201cHe said: \u2018It was a midlife crisis, and I\u2019m no longer doing it,\u2019 \u201d Ranney said. \u201cI went back because I felt some kind of obligation to have my children belong to an intact family.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She described the following three years as \u201cpurgatory\u201d as she swallowed her pride to be a \u201cgood mother.\u201d Then, in early 1995, Neddy, who had grown a beard, shaved it off. Next, Neddy developed breasts.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHe\u2019d been hiding them under layers of clothing, but he was taking estrogen,\u201d Ranney said. <\/p>\n<p>Neddy admitted receiving hormone treatment and outlined plans for gender reassignment surgery \u2014 begging Ranney to meet with a therapist in the hope she would be supportive and keep the status quo. <\/p>\n<p>After the disastrous counseling session  \u2014 \u201cI was presented with a whole menu of choices to persuade me to stay in this untenable marriage,\u201d Ranney said \u2014 she told Neddy to leave. <\/p>\n<p>\u201cI said: \u2018I feel that you\u2019ve betrayed me in an unforgivable way. I do not want to remake myself into a different person, and can\u2019t believe you were expecting me to do it.\u2019 \u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ranney filed for divorce ahead of Neddy\u2019s 1996 operation at Stanford Medical Center in California. Her ex told their boys, \u201cI am a woman now\u201d and that \u201cDaddy\u201d was now \u201cDee Dee.\u201d<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-pullquote alignright\">\n<blockquote><p>\u2018There was a lot of emotional processing going on.\u2019<\/p>\n<p><cite>Karen Ranney<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n<p>At their Park Slope school, her kids\u2019 peers\u2019 curiosity was piqued when Dee Dee dropped them off. \u201cThey said: \u2018Oh, you have two moms now.\u2019 \u201d <\/p>\n<p>Her 11-year-old replied: \u201cNo, that\u2019s just another relative.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThere was a lot of emotional processing going on,\u201d Ranney said.<\/p>\n<p>Meanwhile, her younger son would often ask men in their company if they would be his father. \u201cIt created some awkward moments,\u201d Ranney said. <\/p>\n<p>Later, however, the kids became more accustomed to visiting Dee Dee\u2019s apartment. <\/p>\n<p>\u201cThey\u2019d tell me: \u2018Mom, you can\u2019t say \u201cdad,\u201d because it\u2019s mean, cruel and vile,\u2019 \u201d she said. \u201c \u2018He doesn\u2019t go by that name any more.\u2019 \u201d<\/p>\n<p>But Ranney \u2014 now living in the Hudson Valley with a new partner \u2014 hasn\u2019t gotten past her sense of betrayal and the \u201cerasure\u201d of their union.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhy should I keep my wedding pictures in a closet?\u201d she asked, explaining how she had hidden the album to stop visitors posing questions. <\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m entitled to my own history.\u201d\n                        <\/p><\/div>\n<blockquote><p><strong><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\">If you liked the article, do not forget to share it with your friends. Follow us on\u00a0<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/news.google.com\/publications\/CAAqBwgKMLG0nwswvr63Aw\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\">Google News<\/a><\/span>\u00a0too, click on the star and choose us from your favorites.<\/span><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<blockquote>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">For forums sites go to <span style=\"color: #ff9900;\"><a style=\"color: #ff9900;\" href=\"https:\/\/forum.buradabiliyorum.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Forum.BuradaBiliyorum.Com<\/a><\/span><\/strong>\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<blockquote>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>If you want to read more <a href=\"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/category\/news\/\" data-internallinksmanager029f6b8e52c=\"2\" title=\"News\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">News<\/a> articles, you can visit our <span style=\"color: #ff9900;\"><a style=\"color: #ff9900;\" href=\"https:\/\/en.buradabiliyorum.com\/news\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">News category.<\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"color: black;\"><a style=\"color: #ff9900;\" href=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/2021\/10\/12\/i-became-a-trans-widow-after-my-husband-became-a-woman\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Source<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;#I became a &#8216;trans widow&#8217; after my husband became a woman&#8221; Sitting in the Manhattan office of her then-husband\u2019s gender counselor, Karen Ranney was taken aback by the suggestion that the couple\u2019s love life would dramatically improve once he transitioned into a woman. \u201cShe mentioned various methods and equipment we could use,\u201d the 64-year-old mother&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":352215,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2021\/10\/karen-ranny.jpg?quality=90&strip=all&w=1024","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[70897],"tags":[117395,117457,74164,70560,71680,70290],"class_list":["post-352214","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news","tag-10-12-21","tag-family-feuds","tag-marriage","tag-parenting","tag-sex-and-relationships","tag-transgender"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/352214","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=352214"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/352214\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/352215"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=352214"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=352214"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=352214"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}