{"id":429206,"date":"2022-04-09T22:58:19","date_gmt":"2022-04-09T19:58:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/en.buradabiliyorum.com\/what-i-learned-from-taking-on-my-own-internet-trolls\/"},"modified":"2022-04-09T22:58:19","modified_gmt":"2022-04-09T19:58:19","slug":"what-i-learned-from-taking-on-my-own-internet-trolls","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/what-i-learned-from-taking-on-my-own-internet-trolls\/","title":{"rendered":"#What I learned from taking on my own internet trolls"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_84 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-custom ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<label for=\"ez-toc-cssicon-toggle-item-6a291c67553ea\" class=\"ez-toc-cssicon-toggle-label\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #dd3333;color:#dd3333\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #dd3333;color:#dd3333\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/label><input type=\"checkbox\"  id=\"ez-toc-cssicon-toggle-item-6a291c67553ea\" checked aria-label=\"Toggle\" \/><nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-1'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/what-i-learned-from-taking-on-my-own-internet-trolls\/#%E2%80%9CWhat_I_learned_from_taking_on_my_own_internet_trolls%E2%80%9D\" >&#8220;What I learned from taking on my own internet trolls&#8221;<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h1><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"%E2%80%9CWhat_I_learned_from_taking_on_my_own_internet_trolls%E2%80%9D\"><\/span>&#8220;What I learned from taking on my own internet trolls&#8221;<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h1>\n<div>\n<aside class=\"single__inline-module alignleft\">\n<\/aside>\n<p>Before Dylan Marron became a writer on\u00a0\u201cTed Lasso,\u201d he produced provocative shows about <a href=\"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/category\/social-mediaa\/\" data-internallinksmanager029f6b8e52c=\"1\" title=\"Social Media\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">social<\/a> issues for Seriously.TV, including a Web <a href=\"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/category\/watch-movies-tv-seriess\/\" data-internallinksmanager029f6b8e52c=\"8\" title=\"Watch Movies &amp; TV Series\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">series<\/a> called\u00a0\u201cSitting in Bathrooms With Trans People,\u201d which consisted of him interviewing transgender people in restrooms. <\/p>\n<p>Not everyone loved his left-leaning videos, including a viewer who opined online that Dylan should \u201cKILLLLLLLLLLLLLLL yourself you victim complex havin\u2019 b\u2014h boi.\u201d Other viewers weren\u2019t as creative, but as his videos gained popularity \u2014 His TED Talk,\u00a0<a rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=waVUm5bhLbg\">\u201cEmpathy Is Not Endorsement,\u201d<\/a> has been viewed more than 3.5 million times \u2014 Marron regularly received comments online calling him things like \u201cf\u2014-t,\u201d \u201cbeta male,\u201d or \u201ccuck.\u201d <\/p>\n<p>Marron responded by taking action, starting a popular podcast wherein he engages in phone chats with the online haters who bad-mouth him. With a corresponding book now out\u00a0\u2014\u00a0\u201cConversations With People Who Hate Me: 12 Things I Learned from Talking to Internet Strangers\u201d\u00a0(Atria Books) \u2014 Marron recently Zoomed with The\u00a0Post\u00a0to share what it\u2019s like to talk with the Internet trolls.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><em>The following has been edited for length and clarity.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1024\" height=\"682\" src=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/dylan-marron.jpg?w=1024\" alt=\"His TED Talk, &quot;Empathy Is Not Endorsement,&quot; has been viewed more than 3.5 million times\" class=\"wp-image-21788911\" srcset=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/dylan-marron.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all&amp;w=1535 1536w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/dylan-marron.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all 1024w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/dylan-marron.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all&amp;w=512 512w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\"\/><figcaption>Marron\u2019s TED Talk, \u201cEmpathy Is Not Endorsement,\u201d has been viewed more than 3.5 million times.<\/figcaption><figcaption><span class=\"credit\">Ryan Lash\/TED<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><strong>When did you start getting a lot of negative feedback online?\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>It was through the social-justice videos and my work on\u00a0\u201cEvery Single Word\u201d [a supercut series wherein Marron edited down popular films into only the words said by people of color, to make a point about a lack of representation on screen]\u00a0that I was coping with online hate, and those negative comments led to my podcast,\u00a0\u201cConversations With People Who Hate Me.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><strong>You actually started gathering the negative feedback into a \u201cHate Folder?\u201d\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m looking at in on my laptop right now!\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><strong>And how did you respond to the comments?\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Many well-meaning onlookers say just log off!\u00a0I think that kind of advice comes from a loving place, but it often ignores how people have socialized in recent years. So much of our lives is online, it felt like \u2026 ignoring it was not an option. At first I was just taking screen shots and filing them away in the hate folder.\u00a0I was instinctively taking a screenshot and filing it away, taking another screen shot and filing it away.\u00a0Can I explain it to you?\u00a0No, that\u2019s why I\u2019m in therapy right now.\u00a0<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1024\" height=\"682\" src=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/ted-lasso.jpg?w=1024\" alt=\"Being a fan of Marron's podcast, Jason Sudeikis reached out to him to be a part of &quot;Ted Lasso.&quot;\" class=\"wp-image-21788914\" srcset=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/ted-lasso.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all&amp;w=1535 1536w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/ted-lasso.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all 1024w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/ted-lasso.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all&amp;w=512 512w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\"\/><figcaption>Jason Sudeikis is a big fan of Marron\u2019s podcast and reached out to him to be a part of \u201cTed Lasso.\u201d<\/figcaption><figcaption><span class=\"credit\"><a href=\"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/category\/download-scripts-themes-apps\/\" data-internallinksmanager029f6b8e52c=\"9\" title=\"Download Scripts &amp; Themes &amp; Apps\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">App<\/a>le TV+<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><strong>You didn\u2019t plan on doing anything with them?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>No, it was just my way of saying I have control of this because I\u2019m containing it in a bin on my desktop, but then my coping mechanism was to share screenshots from my \u201cHate Folder\u201d and make snarky replies to my friends, identifying typos or faulty logic.\u00a0If the hate comments were the setups, I got to deliver the punchlines.\u00a0But I realized the thing I really wanted to do was to talk to some of the people behind the hate comments.\u00a0I thought it would soothe me to talk to people who disagreed with me so strongly they expressed their feelings with vitriol.\u00a0I hoped talking to them was a path forward, a bridge we could build towards each other.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><strong>Your impetus to act came after a message from Josh, whose misspelled and grammatically incorrect comment blamed you for the country\u2019s divisiveness and ended by saying, \u201cPlus, being Gay is a sin.\u201d\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not anyone\u2019s therapist, so I don\u2019t know the depths of their psychological history, but Josh was very directly bullied and the connection was very clear. That hurt he got from his high school bullies was then transferred directly on to me.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><strong>And then Josh began getting his own hate messages.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This is a thing we see all the time now, a victim of online harassment reposts about their harasser, and then people harass the harasser.\u00a0To me, it\u2019s like no one\u2019s winning there.\u00a0I understand the thinking.\u00a0When I see a friend being hurt by someone, my inclination is to tell that person that they suck.\u00a0But the Internet tide can turn so quickly, so it\u2019s like no, no, no, we\u2019re not going to fix things like homophobia if the harasser starts getting hate about who\u00a0<em>he<\/em>\u00a0is!<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"674\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/concersations-with-people-who-hate-me-1.jpg?w=674\" alt=\"Conversations with People who hate me. \" class=\"wp-image-21788984\" srcset=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/concersations-with-people-who-hate-me-1.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all&amp;w=1011 1011w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/concersations-with-people-who-hate-me-1.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all&amp;w=674 674w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/concersations-with-people-who-hate-me-1.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all&amp;w=337 337w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/concersations-with-people-who-hate-me-1.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 674px) 100vw, 674px\"\/><figcaption>Marron notes that his guests are \u201cdoing something incredibly brave\u201d in agreeing to come onto his show after insulting him. <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><strong>In the book you mention the quote \u201churt people hurt people,\u201d implying it\u2019s mostly broken, unhappy people who lash out?\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Yes, but that\u2019s only true sometimes!\u00a0\u00a0Some of the people in my \u201cHate Folder\u201d had robust social circles and healthy family bonds.\u00a0A couple years after being on my show, my guest Frank wrote to tell me he was now a grandfather.\u00a0We all know being a grandfather does not an angel make, but I know for a fact that Frank has a very rich family life. His [original] comment was pretty benign, just \u2018You are doing something very bad. Proceed.\u2019\u00a0I didn\u2019t get the sense Frank was necessarily hurt in the traditional way that Josh was and then transferred that directly on to me.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><strong>You\u2019re always sympathetic to the people who talk to you, even though they started being unkind to you. How?\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>My guests are doing something incredibly brave.\u00a0They\u2019re coming to talk to a person that they hurt!\u00a0That is one of the most beautiful things to me, owning up to what they said.\u00a0There are varying levels of success.\u00a0Sometimes the reaction is defensiveness, and sometimes people skip off into the sunset and say, \u201cWow I feel radically different, and I\u2019m so sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1024\" height=\"682\" src=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/ted-lasso-1-1.jpg?w=1024\" alt=\"Never being a fan of sports, Marron finds himself writing for a show about sports.\" class=\"wp-image-21788987\" srcset=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/ted-lasso-1-1.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all&amp;w=1535 1536w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/ted-lasso-1-1.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all 1024w, https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/ted-lasso-1-1.jpg?quality=75&amp;strip=all&amp;w=512 512w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\"\/><figcaption>Marron was never a big fan of sports \u2014 and yet he now finds himself writing for a show about sports.<\/figcaption><figcaption><span class=\"credit\">Apple TV+<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><strong>In the book you call yourself a \u201cgay guy wearing pearl earrings\u201d who was always \u201cpicked last in gym class,\u201d but now you\u2019re writing for a sports show?<\/strong> <\/p>\n<p>I never completely understood sports as a concept but I support them, I\u2019m an ally [laughs]. I have friends who love sports, which I have to cope with, but in terms of\u00a0\u201cTed Lasso,\u201d it was kind of organic. Jason Sudeikis has been a kind and amazing supporter of my podcast.\u00a0\u00a0He reached out to me, cold, in the summer of 2018, to say he loves and supports what I\u2019m doing. One thing led to another, and he invited me to be part of the\u00a0\u201cTed Lasso\u201d\u00a0writing staff for Season 3.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><strong>What have you learned from this experience?\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This whole process has taught me that change happens slowly over time. Contrary to what social media tells us \u2014 that clapping back as viciously (and entertainingly) as possible at our adversaries is the best way to fight for our causes \u2014 true progress happens in gradual, almost imperceptible\u00a0ways. I think we are all subject to what I\u2019ve started to call \u201cthe makeover illusion,\u201d where we\u2019ve been so subjected to the quick before-and-afters of renovation shows and the tidiness of the five-act structure that we forget that human beings don\u2019t evolve in such concise time frames.\n                        <\/p><\/div>\n<blockquote><p><strong><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\">If you liked the article, do not forget to share it with your friends. Follow us on\u00a0<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/news.google.com\/publications\/CAAqBwgKMLG0nwswvr63Aw\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\">Google News<\/a><\/span>\u00a0too, click on the star and choose us from your favorites.<\/span><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<blockquote>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">For forums sites go to <span style=\"color: #ff9900;\"><a style=\"color: #ff9900;\" href=\"https:\/\/forum.buradabiliyorum.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Forum.BuradaBiliyorum.Com<\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>If you want to read more <a href=\"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/category\/news\/\" data-internallinksmanager029f6b8e52c=\"2\" title=\"News\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">News<\/a> articles, you can visit our <span style=\"color: #ff9900;\"><a style=\"color: #ff9900;\" href=\"https:\/\/en.buradabiliyorum.com\/news\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">News category.<\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"color: black;\"><a style=\"color: #ff9900;\" href=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/2022\/04\/09\/what-i-learned-from-taking-on-my-own-internet-trolls\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Source<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;What I learned from taking on my own internet trolls&#8221; Before Dylan Marron became a writer on\u00a0\u201cTed Lasso,\u201d he produced provocative shows about social issues for Seriously.TV, including a Web series called\u00a0\u201cSitting in Bathrooms With Trans People,\u201d which consisted of him interviewing transgender people in restrooms. Not everyone loved his left-leaning videos, including a viewer&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":429207,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/nypost.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2022\/04\/internet-troll-dylan-marron.jpg?quality=75&strip=all&w=1024","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[70897],"tags":[127765,48,91144,27420,23498],"class_list":["post-429206","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news","tag-4-9-22","tag-internet","tag-internet-trolls","tag-jason-sudeikis","tag-podcasts"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/429206","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=429206"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/429206\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/429207"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=429206"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=429206"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=429206"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}