{"id":574613,"date":"2023-05-15T20:19:00","date_gmt":"2023-05-15T17:19:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/en.buradabiliyorum.com\/i-always-wanted-to-be-a-parent-but-assumed-i-wasnt-allowed-to-be\/"},"modified":"2023-05-15T20:19:00","modified_gmt":"2023-05-15T17:19:00","slug":"i-always-wanted-to-be-a-parent-but-assumed-i-wasnt-allowed-to-be","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/i-always-wanted-to-be-a-parent-but-assumed-i-wasnt-allowed-to-be\/","title":{"rendered":"#\u2018\u2018I always wanted to be a parent, but assumed I wasn\u2019t allowed to be\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"Chasten<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>
Chasten Buttigieg is getting honest about the “hilariously messy” experience of raising twins with his husband, U.S. Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg. (Credit: Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/p>\n<\/figure>\n

Growing up gay in a small conservative town in Michigan, Chasten Buttigieg says the notion of fatherhood was way out of reach.<\/p>\n

\u201cI always wanted to be a parent, but I just assumed I wasn’t allowed to be,\u201d Buttigieg, 33, husband to U.S. Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg, tells Yahoo Life. \u201cWhen we were growing up, marriage equality wasn\u2019t a thing, so I sort of wrote that off as a dream.\u201d<\/p>\n

A lot has changed since then, explains the dad (with Buttigieg) to adopted 1-year-old twins Penelope Rose and Joseph \u201cGus\u201d August, as countless LGBTQ families like his have been recognized with the same benefits and legal protections as any other family. But despite immense social<\/a> progress, Chasten is the first to admit that the rights of queer people have always been fragile. That’s evidenced by an onslaught of anti-LGBTQ bills across the country targeting trans youth<\/a>, drag queens<\/a>, books<\/a> and classrooms<\/a>.<\/p>\n

It’s what inspired him to write I Have Something to Tell You\u2014For Young Adults<\/em><\/a>, an updated version of his bestselling 2020 memoir of the same name that aims to be a beacon for queer youth, he says, to remind them that \u201cthey\u2019re not alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wanted to write the book that I wish I had when I was younger,\u201d the former middle school teacher says. \u201cI didn’t know any gay people when I was younger. I thought something was wrong with me and I held on to that pain for a really long time. One of the goals of this book is to help younger people realize that they don’t owe anybody anything. They’re not defined by their surroundings. They’re not defined by the opinions of other people, and it’s going to be OK. It does get better.\u201d<\/p>\n

Chasten, since becoming a dad, says life has been equal parts joy and challenge. But mostly, he says, it\u2019s just \u201chilariously messy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHonestly, one of the hardest things for me is to not cry, like, all the time,\u201d he says of parenthood. \u201cYour heart is on the outside of your chest all the time. Everything is adorable, everything is heartbreaking, everything is terrifying. You think of the best and the worst all the time, like they say a new word and you’re like, \u2018Oh my god, it’s the coolest thing ever.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

The twins are also at the age when their personalities are starting to shine, he explains. \u201cYesterday, Gus fell asleep in the van and Penelope was like, \u2018Oh, Gus. We lost him.\u2019 He fell asleep before we got home,\u201d he remembers with a chuckle. \u201cIt was just like, God, these kids are the best. They\u2019re so funny. It\u2019s the best thing ever.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll the other challenges are just logistics: What stroller fits through the door and how to get the kids up in the morning, especially when Pete is on the road?\u201d he adds, noting that things tend to get “hilariously messy” throughout the day.<\/p>\n

\u201cI’m looking at the wall on my kitchen and it’s like a Jackson Pollock painting,\u201d he explains, noting the layers of \u201cfruit juice\u201d and \u201cblackberries\u201d and \u201cpasta sauce\u201d the twins playfully splattered on the wall during breakfast one day recently. Splatter aside, he says, fatherhood was worth the wait.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt’s the best,\u201d he says. \u201cI never thought I would get to be a dad,” and so now, \u201cSometimes I look at these spots on the wall and I’m like, these are my kids, my kids made this mess. I should put a frame around it.\u201d<\/p>\n

When the twins were born, Chasten and Pete took paternity leave<\/a> to care for their family as the little ones were treated for a serious bout of RSV<\/a> that left them hospitalized for several months. Describing those months as \u201cthe hardest work you\u2019ll ever do,\u201d he says it became the most \u201cbeautiful, stressful, sleepless and inspiring\u201d time of their lives.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe had two premature twins,\u201d he explains. \u201cPenelope had an acid reflux issue where she couldn\u2019t lie flat for a couple of months, so one of us was awake 24 hours a day. We went on a shift system for who got a nap and who didn\u2019t. I remember bumping into walls because I was so tired.\u201d<\/p>\n

In March, former vice president Mike Pence took a jab at Chasten’s family at the annual Gridiron Dinner in D.C., implying that recent transportation woes<\/a> were due to Pete taking two months of parental leave<\/a>, though he and Chasten were caring for their babies in the hospital.<\/p>\n

Chasten, who responded to Pence via Twitter alongside a photo of Pete holding Gus in a hospital room, tells Yahoo Life that it\u2019s never been more important to break the stigma around parental leave, particularly when it comes to the double standard.<\/p>\n

\u201cSome people see [parental leave] as weakness,\u201d he explains. \u201cIt\u2019s really important that family spends that time together to bond with their kid, especially for fathers. Fathers need to be there as well, and I don’t think it makes you a weaker man to say, \u2018I’m going to show up for my family. I’m going to be there for my spouse or my partner.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

To the contrary, he adds, \u201cIt makes us a better and stronger country when we build stronger families.”<\/p>\n

Family, community and belonging are central theme<\/a>s in Chasten\u2019s memoir. \u201cIt definitely took me a lot longer to write certain parts of the book,\u201d he acknowledges, including anecdotes about “coming out to grandma,” \u201crunning away from home<\/a>” and “all the internalized homophobia I dealt with for for such a long time.\u201d<\/p>\n

He hopes those lessons resonate not only with youth, but other adults as well \u2014 particularly those living in states with growing anti-LGBTQ sentiments, from drag bans to Florida\u2019s \u201cDon\u2019t Say Gay\u201d law, which prohibits any discussion about queer topics in K-12 classrooms.<\/p>\n

“There are some members of school boards around the country who are failing students,” he says of the recent book bans happening in states across the country that target stories with queer or racial-inequality themes. Still, he says, it\u2019s important to acknowledge the growing number of \u201cpeople stepping up and fighting back\u201d against such bans.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt’s important that young people see themselves reflected on the pages of books at school or in a library,\u201d he says. \u201cIt\u2019s OK to acknowledge that LGBTQ people exist. It’s OK to acknowledge that there is structural racism built into some of our American institutions. I think we’re all better off when we can acknowledge them, and then work together to build a more just and fair society.\u201d<\/p>\n

Looking ahead, Chasten says it’s the adults’ responsibility to find new ways of \u201cshowing up\u201d for young people. Giving your child \u201cunconditional love\u201d is \u201call your kid really wants,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

Staying present, he adds, is key \u2014 and something he is continuously striving for.<\/p>\n

\u201cI keep telling myself to be present, because I can get so worked up by what’s happening in the news<\/a> or happening around the country and politics, social media,\u201d he says. \u201cThe thing about my kids is they keep me so grounded. I can put the phone away and get on the floor with them and just be present, and remember what I’m here for: I’m here to be a good dad. That is my life\u2019s mission.\u201d<\/p>\n

Wellness, parenting, body image and more: Get to know the <\/strong>who<\/em><\/strong> behind the <\/strong>hoo<\/em><\/strong> with Yahoo Life’s newsletter.<\/strong> Sign up here<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Originally published <\/span>

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Chasten Buttigieg is getting honest about the “hilariously messy” experience of raising twins with his husband, U.S. Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg. (Credit: Getty Images) Growing up gay in a small conservative town in Michigan, Chasten Buttigieg says the notion of fatherhood was way out of reach. \u201cI always wanted to be a parent, but…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":574614,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/s.yimg.com\/ny\/api\/res\/1.2\/effOM38sRgv3QRf3Qvz.4Q--\/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyMDA7aD02NzU-\/https:\/\/media.zenfs.com\/en\/aol_yahoo_life_style_751\/1663f26b587ee26464722b5787419952","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[70897],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-574613","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/574613","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=574613"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/574613\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/574614"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=574613"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=574613"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/buradabiliyorum.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=574613"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}